Jello isn't salad.

I've mentioned before that I identify myself as a "Midwest Mormon."

I've been living in Utah for just over a year now. Many cultural components are easy for me to adjust to simply because much of the culture here is based off of the religion that I have been a faithful part of my entire life.
Earlier this year, I married the best man I've ever met who was born and raised right in the heart of Happy Valley; which means there is a big chance that I will spend the rest of my days living here. This is definitely something I promised myself I would never do! I mean come on, there's not even an NFL team here! I guess that gives me all the more reason to raise my kids as Bears fans.
There are so many things I love about living here (which I will definitely address soon)!
But some things... some things... I'm 100% sure I will never get used to or identify with.


Jello.
People put this crap in everything. If you freeze it, you can make it a popsicle. If you layer it with whipped cream, it becomes a casserole. If it's in a bundt pan, it's a cake. If you put graham crackers on the bottom, it's a pie. If you put fruit and marshmallows in it, somehow it becomes a salad...?

Where I'm from, we make fun of jello dishes. Where I currently live, it's a main food group. Last week my sweet Mother-in-Law texted my husband and asked if we would bring a jello salad to the family party on Sunday. I instantly was overwhelmed with anxiety and informed my siblings of the current situation.

I just can't bring myself to embrace this part of Utah living. I made my husband make it.

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"Unique" Names.
First off, you should know that I have uncontrollable tunnel vision when I see a typo and I can't ignore it until it's fixed. Just imagine a mosquito bite on the inside edge of your ear. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. It's just like that. I can't ignore it. Before I even spot it, I feel physical vibes steaming off the paper just waiting for me to find and correct it.


Recently at work, I handed a blank contract form to a girl named London. She was interested in signing up for a membership.
I counted to 60 and then I peered down at said form to begin transferring her scribbled personal information into the computer system.

Name: Lundyn.

My eyes grew wide with disgust- I thought they might pop and ooze out red pen correction markings.
Inadvertently, I informed her of her misspelling of "London".

Apparently it's "just unique."

No.

Even more recently, I was trollying through the grocery store when I saw a driver's license shimmering below the wheel of my cart. I plucked it off the concrete floor and glanced at the picture to compare it to the faces of the people scurrying around me. Again, I felt the typo vibes steaming in my hot little hand.

This license was to be returned to a woman named Allysnn Hyllyry.

ALLYSNN HYLLYRY.

My IQ just dropped.

I shifted my eyes around frantically as I audibly inquired, "Is this a joke? Am I being punked?"

It took all of my willpower not to shred that physical piece of illiteracy into a million pieces before returning it to customer service.

A common name that's illiterately spelled does not make it unique.

Me going through the Utah County Whitepages:

Everyone should just name their children Chaney.

F is for Friends That Do Stuff Together

3. Have dinner from a food truck

When I wrote up my original bucketlist, I was planning on stopping at one of those trucks that happen to show up on street corners from time to time.

Last week, we went to the Provo Food Truck Roundup with our friends McClain and Katie. This is one of the best ideas that Provo has ever had. Every week, a parking lot strip in south Provo fills its vacancy with greasy, cholesterolly, sugary deliciousness from the best food truck vendors. The options ranged from burritos (classic) to waffles to pizza to barbecue to freshly blended smoothies all the way to gourmet grilled cheese sandwiches. I don't know how I wasn't aware of this before! It was a really fun way to celebrate summer coming to a close. We browsed around for a bit and ultimately we all chose to indulge in Sweeto Burrito with a few drinks and sides from other trucks.

Coincidentally, Morgan and I were in the middle of a Harry Potter marathon that week; as were McClain and Katie! We were only scenes away from each other in Deathly Hallows Part 1 so we headed back to our place to finish up the series and eat our burritos with some chocolate chip cookies* for dessert.

All in all, it was an awesome way to check off another bucketlist item and way more fun than I thought it would be! Who knew Provo could be so awesome?




* I found the secrets to amazingly chewy and thick and delicious cookies! Melt the butter, replace 2 tablespoons of flour with 2 tablespoons of cornstarch, and 3:1 ratio of brown sugar to confectioners. Best chocolate chip cookies I've ever made. NOM NOM.

Get Buckets #18

18. Build a blanket fort

       Every time I walk through my front door, I get ticked off when I see the couches in there. Are they even considered couches? So old. So ugly. So uncomfortable. But we've been told that's what you're supposed to have when you first get married. My wonderfully magnificent parents visited us for the 4th of July weekend and they bought us a 55-inch house warming gift. We've been enjoying our super nice SmartTv from a couch as comfortable as a concrete floor.

          After dinner last night, we went to RC Willey to lounge around on showroom couches. The Atlanta Braves baseball game was on every TV in that store so my husband was on cloud nine. Seriously, it's the best weeknight date ever. Have you ever jumped and rolled around on 100+ couches in one night? If you have and it wasn't at a furniture store, I severely question your sense of self-worth. We scurried on home after a solid hour and a half at RC Willey. I listened to Morgan commentate his own pretend baseball game while we played catch and he swung his bats around in our front room. Suddenly out of left field (see what I did there?), he dropped everything and started bringing in the kitchen table chairs. I had no idea what was going on until he plopped a huge stack of blankets on the floor. YES. FORT. Believe it or not, this fort was roughly 12.43 times more comfortable than our couch.

We spent the next couple hours watching movies and playing games and crying from laughter. Just like every other day, I was reminded of how awesome it is to be married to my best friend.

If there was something stronger than love, I would have it for this guy.

back it up

Rewind.

Dating in Utah is like an Olympic sport.

I moved here the last week of August 2013. I arrived on a Thursday. I had been in Provo all of 5 minutes before some dude in line at Costa Vida asked for my number. Every which way you walk, drive, sit, stand- somebody is doing the ring check on you and trying to imagine what your children would look like if things worked out.

I loved it.

Not long after my arrival, I paid my tuition and bought my books... I was out of money and I hadn't gotten paid from my new job yet. I donated plasma for gas money and I relied on dates for food. One night, I reconnected with my childhood best friend. We went down Center Street for pie shakes at Sammy's and some much needed catching up. We were talking about boys and dating (like girls do) and she told me about tinder. I laughed in her face as she set up a profile for me.

Match..

                                        

                                            Match..                   

                                                                       

                                                                          Match..          Match.

Match Match MatchMatchMatch.

Every time I saw that little flame light up on my phone I thought to myself, YES. FREE FOOD.

It was fun for about a month... Or until I got paid and could get my own groceries. I kissed a lot of way too many frogs during that time and I definitely paid the price. Ever heard of mononucleosis; better known as The Kissing Disease?

Yeah, that happened.

After just a few weeks, I was already sick of dating. Excellent timing because getting a contagious illness was the perfect excuse to not go out with any new guys and an incredible turn-off for most people. I was tired of the routine. The same old "get to know you" questions over a few ounces of frozen yogurt was in no way appealing anymore.

Fast forward

HALLOWEEN!

My boss and I tag teamed and dressed up as lumberjacks. I showed up in full costume at 6AM and received some unfriendly looks followed by, "Oh, I forgot it's Halloween. What are you supposed to be? A hobo?"

Thanks.

I love Halloween. Despite being sick and exhausted, there was no way I was staying home on one of the best days of the year. I was busy with work and school all day until my ward's Halloween dance that night, which I was pretty psyched for. Any of you single folk in Utah County:

YSA 220th ward knows how to party.

As always, my friends and I showed up late. After a few songs, my phone rang and I stepped outside and spent the next hour talking to some guy I "kind of had a thing" with. We defined the relationship- or lack thereof- as   n o n e x i s t e n t and I was pretty excited to be relieved from the stress. I popped back into the dance just in time to dance the last song of the night.

The music stopped and the lights flicked on. You know, the dreaded moment when everyone's hotness scale ranking spirals from solid 8s to 5s. I walked over to grab the girls I was driving home when I saw a skinny guy with curly hair walking over. I retreated simply because I assumed he was going to talk to the other girls, so I gave the guy some space to get his game on.  He strolled right up to me and quickly said, "Hi." Oh, okay then. Naturally, I gave him a hug because that's what brown people do when they meet each other.  That's when his awkward switch turned on. The physical contact that occurred between us was what I often classify as one or more of the following; all of which are interchangeable:

limp noodle hug

ghost graze

dead fish envelope

I...I don't know what to do with my hands..

t-rex arms

vampire's embrace

 He awkwardly let go and uttered a nervous mumble just in time for the closing prayer to begin.

Poor guy. Seriously.

After the Amen, he turned and began to speak with shaky voice and hands alike.

"Hi, I've been trying to talk to you since I first saw you when our wards were combined for FHE last Monday but I was too nervous. Uh. My name is Morgan. Sorry. So. Hey."

Feel free to add in a few klutzy laughs wherever you see fit.

My first response: "What? I've never seen you in my life."

Evidently, I rarely filter what travels from my brain out of my mouth.

He explained how he passed by me multiple times at FHE (we were carving pumpkins that night) but "for some reason no words came out" so he asked some people when our ward was having another activity.

"They said you guys were having a dance on Halloween so I came and waited for you"

Okay, definitely weird, but flattering.

We talked for a minute or two before he asked if he could take me out. I had dozens of excuses up my sleeve but man, he was so nervous. I felt sorry for the guy and I decided that any kid that puts in that much effort deserves a first date, so I agreed. He perked up and set our date for the following Thursday. We said our goodbyes and nicetomeetyous. He stuck out his hand and gave me a sturdy Elder's Quorum handshake. "Uh. I don't know why I just did that. Sorry I'm kinda nervous. klutzy laugh Sorry."

One week and numerous ignored iMessages later, it was date day. I was dreading it. That morning, Morgan sent me a text confirming our date and asking for my address. I typed out a response to blow off our plans as I explained the situation to my boss, Kenny. This Morgan guy was way awkward and I already knew from our 2 minute conversation that I was not interested! So really, I was doing us both a favor because neither party had to waste their time.

Kenny's response:

"Chaney, I have seen you go on a million first dates. One more is not going to kill you."

 

He was right.

Get Buckets

I've never written a bucketlist before. My life changed dramatically during my 21st year- I can only imagine what 22 has in store for me.  This morning, I watched an inspiring (like, tearing up while I put makeup on... totally counter productive) video of a man that completely changed his life in a year.  I've found motivation! I've written a bucketlist of 22 things that I want to accomplish before I turn 23. Here we go!

22 AT 22

1. Go an entire week without hitting snooze June 8-June 13, 2015
2. Travel somewhere I've never been   September 11, 2014
3. Have dinner from a food truck   August 28, 2014
4. Train for a half marathon June 12, 2015
5. Go to a Yoga class   September 17, 2014
6. Hike to a waterfall
7. Walk barefoot in the rain
8. Go sledding
9. Do a handstand February 18, 2015
10. Ride a scooter through Provo Canyon
11. Go Latin dancing
12. Visit hot springs
13. Beat my husband in mini golf June 3, 2015
14. Picnic in the park May 29, 2015
15. Survive a corn maze   October 31, 2014
16. Make snow ice cream   December 27, 2014
17. Learn something new every day for 30 days
18. Build a blanket fort    August 21, 2014
19. "Unplug" for 24 hours
20. Catch a fish
21. Create a Ventura tradition   November 7, 2014
22. Learn how to longboard    September 1, 2014

Intro.

I spent my high school years in a suburb west of Chicago.

I ventured to Hawaii for college.

Then to Salt Lake City.

Then to Rexburg, Idaho.

Then to Los Angeles.

Then to Provo, Utah.

I promised myself before I graduated high school that I would never live in Utah.
I was born into a Mormon family and spent my entire life in 10 different states, none of which were The Beehive State.

I didn't want to live in Utah because I grew up in the Beery family.
We are "don't take crap off of anyone" people.
We go out to Asian restaurants on the regular, occasionally on Sundays.
We grew up being superstars of our club sports teams.
We slip a swear word or two into jokes said around the dinner table.
We wear short shorts and tank tops to the gym.
We are money-minded business people.

In my mind, Utah meant:
Women that don't want anything in life other than 8 kids.
The entire state shuts down on Sundays.
Choir nerds.
"Fetch" "dagnabbit" "shiz".
Flared capris and over-sized girls camp t-shirts.
Hair school students.
Normal (common known names) misspelled or "tweaked" in someway or another.

-----> examples: McKynnaleigh, Briyenna, Heavynn, Cambree, Jakab, Tysenn, Braedin

Girls that go to Provo and get engaged after dating a guy for 3 months.

It's amazing how relatively accurate I was in my third-party assessment.
I did go to Provo and get married; but I'm definitely not part of the 3 month stereotype.

Because I only dated my husband for 7 weeks before we got engaged.

So, why do I love it here?
Stay tuned, my friends.

In short, this blog will be about my Midwestern attitude adjusting to life in Happy Valley.

Wish me luck!